Archive for July, 2006

26
Jul

Biglang Umandar ng Pabalik ang Kamay ng Orasan

By chreesthal 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

Sampung araw na ang nakalipas matapos ang aking ika-20 kaarawan. Masyado nang huli upang batiin pa ako ng maligayang kaarawan ng sinuman.

Noong umaga ng araw na iyon, sinabi sa akin ng isang kaibigan na pagsapit ng alas-siete ng gabi, sama-sama kaming kakain ng hapunan sa Lacxo Grill kasama ang iba pa naming kaibigan. Dapat raw lahat ay nakapormang “kikay”.

Isinuot ko ang aking pinaka-“kikay” na damit noong araw na iyon.

5:30 ng hapon– natapos na ang pinakahuli kong klase para sa araw na iyon. Nagsimula na akong maglakad mula Vega papuntang Lacxo Grill. Hindi ako sumakay ng jeepney dahil nanghihinayang ako sa aking ipapasahe. Pandagdag rin iyon sa pambayad sa kakainin ko mamaya sa Lacxo Grill. Narinig ko mahal raw ang mga pagkain doon kaya naman hindi ako nananghalian para makatipid. Naisip ko, hindi sana ako nagaalala ng ganito kung sapat ang ibinibigay na allowance sa akin ng lola ko. Siguro kung maraming pera ang mommy at daddy ko, hindi na nila kailangan pang umalis sa bahay noong kaarawan ko. Pumunta sila sa Pangasinan upang doon makipagsapalaran ng bagong negosyo. Naging masaya sana ang nakaraang kaarawan ko kung buo ang pamilya ko noong araw na iyon kahit na walang handang masasarap na pagkain.

Habang nalalanghap ko ang usok mula sa mga tambutso ng mga jeepney na aking nadaanan, iniisip ko na mabuti na lang at naglakad lang ako dahil nauunahan pa ng mga paa ko sa pag-usad ang mga gulong ng mga sasakyan.

Alas-siete na nang makarating ako sa Lacxo Grill. Naroon na ang tatlo kong kaibigan. Ako lang ang nakapormang “kikay”. Pakiramdam ko ay pinagkaisahan ako.

Sa mesa namin, may nakahain na chocolate cake, sisig, chicken honey, omelet, banana boat at kanin. Mayroon ding palumpon ng limang maliliit na iba’t-ibang kulay na lobo at puting kahon na may kulay rosas na laso. Isang tingin ko pa lamang sa mga pagkain ay nawala na ang aking pagod sa malayong nilakad. Masaya ako at sa wakas, makakakain na rin ako dahil kanina pa kumakalam ang sikmura ko sa gutom.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, happy birthday… happy birthday to you!” awit ng mga kaibigan ko na may kasama pang palakpak.

“Salamat!” sabi ko, sabay ngiti.

Inabot sa akin ng isa kong kaibigan ang mga lobo.

“Buksan mo na ang regalo namin sa’yo!” sabi ng isa ko pang kaibigan habang inaabot ang maliit na kahon.

Magkahalong tuwa at hiya ang naramdaman ko ng pagkakataong iyon. Gusto kong matuwa dahil naramdaman kong espesyal ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Gusto ko ring mahiya dahil sila pa ang nag-blow-out sa akin na ang dapat ay ako. Ayaw ko pa sanang buksan ang kahon dahil baka lalo akong manliit sa hiya kapag nalaman ko kung ano ang nasa loob nito. Baka lalo kong maramdaman na hindi ako karapat-dapat bigyan ng isa o higit pa sa isang surpresa gaya nito.

“Buksan mo na! Siguradong magugulat ka kung ano ang laman niyan.”

Magugulat? Ipis kaya o daga ang laman ng kahong hawak ko? Baka pinagkakaisahan na naman ako ng mga kaibigan ko. Baka gusto nilang makita kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko sa oras na tumalon na sa mukha ko kung ano ang laman ng kahon.

Binuksan ko ang kahon. Taliwas sa inaasahan ko ang aking nakita. Punong-puno ito ng mga nakabilot na kulay rosas na papel. Bawat isa ay tinali ng maninipis na kulay rosas rin na laso. Kada papel ay may nakasulat na pagbati mula sa iba pa naming kaibigan sa organisasyon at simbahang aming kinaaaniban.

Nais kong maiyak sa pagkatuwa ng mga oras na iyon. Kahit kaunti lang ang pera ko at hindi ko nakapiling ang aking mga magulang noong aking kaarawan, napalitan naman ang pag-aalala at lungkot ng pagmamahal mula sa aking mga kaibigan.

Maya-maya ay dumating ang iba pa naming kaibigan upang makisalo sa aming kasiyahan.

Sampung araw na ang nakalipas matapos ang aking ika-20 kaarawan. Masyado nang huli upang batiin pa ako ng maligayang kaarawan ng sinuman. Akala ko ay walang may kayang pabalikin ang mga nasayang na panahon ngunit sa araw na ito, biglang umandar ng pabalik ang kamay ng orasan.

19
Jul

Emulating Dickinson’s literary letter (2nd draft)

By chreesthal 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

To M. J. David

20 July 2006

Mr. David,

I have gone through your works and it planted a seed in my heart. I take care of it and it continues to grow. It produces more seed and now it is mine, as well as the tree, since the earth is mine where you planted. I decided to plant the seeds to other’s heart, like you did.

You are the planter of wisdom and I am your gardener.

I cannot tell if my seeds are vigor, like the one you planted. Before I plant, I would like to learn if my seeds will grow into a healthy tree. My seeds look similar, both healthy and weak. I cannot select the ones to plant.

As I am learning to produce forceful seeds, I would like to know some sources you considered. I fear no one planted on my heart, except you. I doubt if ever planters came, their seeds are not energetic to implant themselves in my earth, or maybe the time they came is the time my earth is stony. I trust your sources since your seeds are high-quality. That’s why I made this seed come to you for you to tell its flaws.

If you think my tree is not well-cared of, I am asking you to tell me what to do so we can save the seeds from suffering inferiority, or worst, the tree from dying.

When it is time for me to plant, I owe my skills to you and I will try to repay you, even though I know it’s hard.

Sincerely yours,

K. M. Vacarizas

17
Jul

Emulating Dickinson (first draft)

By chreesthal 2 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Dear Ms. Bucoy,

I knew writing you is impossible. I thought its like writing without forming any symbol.

In our class last year, you brought me to the realm of words. But before that, you prepared me– like an army for a battle– because words are aggressive. It was a familiar place! But that was the time I realize no one can survive there unprepared– without a full armor and a weapon.

My armor is my consciousness and my weapon is my mightier-than-sword pen.

I am proud since I survived and won the battle. And now, you are bringing me to the realm of sentences.

I trust how you use those words– which you captured from your own battle when you were at my age. Now you have stars on your shoulders.

I also have my captures using my self-researched map to locate them when I’ve been in the realms of words and now I’m looking forward to use them in the realm of sentences.

Your wisdom is my torch to light my dark paths. I always carry those words you gave me that I may not be lost.

I pledge my allegiance to the flag of poetry as I pledge it to your instructions that will lead me to put life into my own words.

It is a privilege to avail the intensive training under you, General. I will not forget every single detail– even the Morse Code.

Your trainee,

K. M. Vacarizas

05
Jul

From Money to Poetry

By chreesthal 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

Since I was a young girl, I alway admire professionals with high salaries, 20 years old and above, for their independence, financial and social wise. they can buy the things they want, they can go whenever they desired to go. Moreover, bread winners’ decisions are somehow considered by the whole family, including the elders. For a middle-class teen-ager like me, professionals are worth emulating. I could not wait to be one.

I will be 20 24 hours from now. I will be graduating in less than 1 year. Unfortunately, I am feeling no sense of direction on my career. All I am thinking is to work in a call center. After I earned enough money, I will look for a job related to my field. Sigh. it took me 10 years of waiting to realize that I am hopeless. I was expecting that I am not the one who will look for an opportunity but an opportunity is going to hunt me.

Based on what I saw from movies, professionals are always in fashion in terms of their wardrobes and drink coffee in a coffee shop at breaks. I don’t know whether I am cursed or blessed because I ate in Sturbucks twice already. My mom kept those plastic cups from that expensive coffee shop as a souvenir. When I was young, I did not like to drink coffee, because my kindergarten teacher told us we should drink milk instead of coffee for some reasons but from the time that we drink coffee at starbucks, I drink coffee whenever it is available.

Daydreaming is one of my two preoccupation when I was younger. I could spend my whole day fantasizing ehat my future has in store for me. My other preoccupation is to study. I believed that if I am going to have high grades, different companies will ask me to be part of their work force. But now that I am 20, I easily got bored to think of the future. The Philippines has economic problems to be catered first rather to consider my career problem.

When I was in high school, boys I get introduced to ask me how many boyfriends I already had. When I stepped into college, they ask me if I am in a relationship. These days, the boys I meet ask me nothing. From an interesting person to a serious and boring one is a long way– descendencies.

I have this hypothesis that the most happy events in a woman’s life happen in her childhood days. how can someone explain to me that I do believed in fairies when I was in day care and yet I cannot imagine how there is a white lady in our house? When I was younger, I used to climb our stairs up jumping but now I think it is too foolish to do that. I think you will also agree.

It just started with the book "The Purpose-Driven Life". If I were a kid, I would dream to be a poet. I am just beginning to love eading as well as writing and here comes a laptop for e-books and word processores. Frustrated professional like me have no place in a poetic world. It is enough to drive a coffee lover into hopelessness. Such was the unfortunate situation I was when my ex-boyfriend broke-up with me. If there’s anything that can get me out of the practice of reverse psychology, it is nice. I waas shocked when he broke up with me when I told him it is ok with me if we break up if he loves somebody else because I want him to be happy. "Here comes your reverse psychology again" he said. Did I? Oh, yeah. Whoa! It just I did not want to be explicit. Explicitness is dangerous in any form of art and I am an artist! My ex-boyfriend, who is one year younger than me, can’t keep up with my reverse psychology prowess. I was a teen-ager reverse psychologist!

To get a high-paying job is like a success of our clan. College graduates in our family lead relatively young parenthood. My third degree female cousins got preggy when they were tierd of looking for job with reasonable salary. But that doesn’t bother me now. I enjoy life. I am now a poet without poetic licence. It is not the goal that matter but how you run the race of life.

I will be a UP graduate in less tahn one year. What do you expect from me?