Watch my blood to flow..

cmon dude. i found myself thinking what will be the subject of my blog today. I hate it. i want my blog to be a "life changing" one. but i dnt know how to make it. I dont know why I feel so insecure whenever i see those "well-writen" blogs. Honestly, im afraid to write. I am afraid that someone might read it and tell me its not good. Who wants it anyway? But I guess I must overcome that fear as soon as possible. I will become a writer. I am a frustrated writer. I dont care about others now. This is my world. This will be my vocation. Just read what I wrote. Sometimes i lose myself in the middle of my writing mood. Like now. I hate myself everytime that happens. But guess what? there is still hope left. I don’t know where this hope came from. But what left is relationships. Or rather, a relationship. The only one thing that holds me is my relationship with Him. Actualy, is there any relationship between us? Yes. I juz sometimes forget. Maybe often I forget. But im sure not always. And that’s a good thing. Im also sure of its exsistence. And i want it to last and grow. That’s all i want. i dont want anything to hinder me on that lifetime goal. But myself is trying to crush me. I am distructing myself! Im having a hard time to ignore myself. Im weak. I admit it. And I hate it. No one wants to be weak anyway. Now I want to focus on what will be left in the end. I want to give my full attention on what will last..